More Short VERY Funny Jokes, Steves Wasted Web at BlogSpot

Have a rough day? Try this: Picture lying on a warm rock overhanging a clear stream. Birds sing sweetly. No one knows about your secret retreat. Sheltered from the hectic pace of the everyday world, serenity flows. Your arms are elbow deep in the cool running water, which is so pure that you can clearly see the struggling Congressman you're holding underwater. See? Don't you feel better already?

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The Sunday School teacher said, "There were two brothers. One chose the wicked path. This brother was evil and corrupt and damaged many people. He ended up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable lawyer. Now, children: what is the difference between these two brothers?" Little Johnny raised his hand. "Easy. One of them got caught!"

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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a God!

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Got a Pen?

A brutally ugly woman approached me at the bar, squeezed my a$$ and said, "Give me your number, you sexy hunk." I said, "Have you got a pen?" She smiled and said, "Sure do!" I replied, "You'd better get back in it before your farmer notices you're missing!"

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A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" "Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it." :)

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An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

She decided to go to the party (FUNNY!)

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife came up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed,
so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!”

16 THINGS WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
5. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
6. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
7. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be let out alone.
8. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
9. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
10. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
11. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
12. If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.
13. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
14. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
15. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you gotta laugh at his.
16. The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a "former boyfriend."