I Thought You Were the Perfect Couple

"Pete, I can't believe that you and Claire are splitting up," said John. "I always thought you were the perfect couple. What happened?" Pete explained, "One night, when we drove through the red-light district, Claire said, 'Look! It's one of those hookers, or prostitutes, or whatever you call them" and I said, 'Her name is Kelly'." John fell silent for a moment and then said, "So do you think she'll let you keep the Harley?" 

Honey On The Phone

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: "Hello"
Woman: "Honey, it's me.
Are you at the club?"
Man: "Yes"
Woman: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that
much."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
Man: "How much?"
Woman: "$65,000."
Man: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
Woman: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
Man: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"