Mommy, What Is Sex?

"Mommy, what Is sex?" "Honey, sex is when a man buys you dinner and drinks, and then you spend the night with him." "Well, then, Mommy, what's super sex?" "Super sex is when a man has his chauffeur pick you up in his limousine, he takes you to a luxurious villa, gives you caviar and Champagne, a fabulous gourmet meal, fine wine, you spend many nights together with multiple and varied sex acts, and he gives you expensive diamonds." "Well, then, Mommy, what's love?" "Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex for free!"

A Perfect Come-back!

One of history's great comeback lines aired on National Public Radio during an interview of a U.S. Marine Corps General hosting a Boy Scout Troop visit to his military base. Female Interviewer: "So, General Reinwald, what are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" General Reinwald: "We'll teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" "I don't see why. They'll be properly supervised on our rifle range." "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity for children?" "I don't see how. We'll teach them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm." "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." "Well, ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you aren't one, are you?" The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Longlegs in the Garden

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.


He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked
"They're mating," her father replied What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs" The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment..then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that gay stuff in our garden."

Why Parents Drink

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy" , whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."