-- You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.
-- You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
-- Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
-- You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.
-- Your grandma can bench press a truck axle.
-- You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".
-- You can legaly purchase beer by the time you reach junior high school
-- Coons get into everyone else's trash but yours.
-- Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.
-- When there's a pothole in the road and you swerve - to hit it.
-- People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.
-- You prune your trees with a shotgun.
-- The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
-- Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
-- There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
-- None of your shirts completely cover your stomach.
-- You've shot a deer from inside your house.
-- You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
-- You've never been too drunk to fish.
-- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-- Every year you get a Christmas card from Red Man
-- You can spit without opening your mouth.
-- You have a house that's mobile and five cars that ain't.
-- You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
-- An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
-- Your secret family recipe is illegal.
-- Your pocketknife has been referred to as Exhibit A.
-- Your dress shoes have numbers on the heels.
-- Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
-- you think Hamlet is something you get at McDonald's
-- directions to your house includes at least 2 dirt roads
-- you go to family reunions to find a date
-- your saddle costs more than your horse
-- the rabbit ears on your TV come from a real rabbit
-- the furniture store in your town sells only gun racks
-- your bride doesn't have to change her name
-- your town is so small, that they're still excited about the wheel
-- your job doesn't offer coffee breaks because it takes too long to retrain everybody
-- you put out your campfire by peeing on it
-- even your dog eats chili for breakfast
-- you'll walk a mile for a Camel, but not 20 feet to take out the trash
-- most of your children were conceived at a rodeo
-- your belt buckle weighs more than your dog
-- your most popular pick-up line is, "nice tooth"
-- you think High Cholesterol is a religious holiday
-- the only difference between your grandmother & an elephant is about seven pounds
-- the 3 most difficult years of school for you was the 2nd grade
-- you have whitewalls on your wheelbarrow
-- your dad's last words were, "hey fellas, watch this!"
-- you got so excited when you heard you were being promoted to the 3rd grade that you cut yourself while shaving
-- when your wife goes out for groceries she has to ask you which car is running
-- your house still has the sign,"wide load" on it
-- you can burp & say your name
-- you & your dog use the same tree
-- you think there's nothing wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family
-- you've got more than one brother with the name Darryl
-- at least one of your 17 kids was born on a pool table
-- your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does
-- you always use your Nascar credit card
-- your toilet paper has page numbers on it
-- you have trophies lining your living room from tobacco spitting contests
-- you can change the oil in your truck with out ducking your head
-- your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight drive-in theater
-- at your senior prom, they had a day care
-- your 7 year old took a siphon hose to school for show & tell
-- you think that taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner
-- you brought a fishing pole with you when you visited Sea World
-- you took a load to the dump & brought back more than you left
-- you think a quarter hourse is a ride out front of Walmart
-- you've been maried 3 times & still have the same inlaws
-- you had to remove the back seat from your car so all your kids could fit in
-- you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project
-- your favorite color is plaid
-- you have a personalized license plate that your dad made for you in prison
-- you've been on the 6:00 news at least 3 times describing the sound of a tornado
-- you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company
-- the can't finish off your dinner without a toothpick
-- Your dining room table has a stack of old tires to prop up what's left
Computor Savy in the South
-- You think screen saver is a new flavor o' candy.
-- You think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestling organization.
-- Someone tells You they're "locked up" and You ask if they need bail money.
-- You've ever been too drunk to chat.
-- Your screen saver is a confederate flag and plays Dixie.
-- You think a hard drive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.
-- Your mouse keeps knocking over your spitcan.
-- You wonder why your scanner won't pick up police radio calls.
-- You think a megabyte is the new dollar sandwich at McDonalds.
-- You have to ask someone how to spell LOL.
-- You stomach overlaps half of your keyboard.
-- You're still trying to figure out how to get your empty beer cans into the recycling bin.
-- You can't figure why Your computer won't turn on with the remote.
-- You're amazed at how Your floppy disk got hard.
-- You play Frisbee with your CD Rom's.
-- You find yourself on the floor looking into your "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.
-- When birds fly across your screen an you reach for Your shotgun.
-- You put a mousetrap on your desk.
-- Your yard is full of old computers stacked on cinder blocks.
-- You use Your CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.
-- You call tech support an ask where to buy stamps for your e-mail.
-- When You turn your computer on you say, "Come OOOOOOON Betsy."
-- You think system wizard is a dude in a funny hat.
-- You know that 64 M RAM is a new big block engine for Your pickup.
-- You think ICQ is how smart your computer is.
-- Someone tells you that your computer has a bug an you reach for the can of Raid.
-- You think a mouse pad is where Mighty Mouse and his cousins hang.
-- You go buy a surfboard to surf the net.
-- You think your homepage is where you really live.
-- You give directions to a website that include a person, animal, or old barn.
-- You think MB stands for "More Beer."
-- You wait for the Bluelight special at K-Mart to buy your computer.
-- You see the word Download, and so you take the shells out of your shotgun.
-- You think the person that made your keyboard was dumb 'cuz the letters aren't in order.
-- You think pushing the delete key will make your ol' lady disappear.
-- You think CD stands for Cow Dung.
-- You think GIF stands for "Goodie It's Free."
-- You think Mirabilis is a new brand of smokes.
-- You see the "shift" key and try to figure out how to change gears.
-- You wonder why your screen saver ain't wearing a cape like that there superhero on the cartoons.
-- You think that Geocities is a place to buy them little cars.
-- You catch yourself trying to smell the little flower on your ICQ contact list.
-- You see the word "Zip" and know why you were feeling a draft.
-- Your computer has a bumper sticker on it.
-- Part of Your computer is held together with duct tape.
-- You sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler for another beer.
-- Your in a chat room and someone asks where your from and you reply, "My momma."
-- You sees the word "Website" and start looking for spiders
