Friday, May 19, 2006

Trailer Park Rules

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks.

2. No changing your oil in the street.

3. No loud and wild parties without inviting the manager.

4. You may have no more than 3 beer can wind chimes each only having no more than 6 cans each.

5. Drunkenness will not be tolerated in the streets prior to 10 am.

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6. While outside of your trailer you must be at least partially clothed.*

7. If you prefer to clean your trailer in the nude, please close the curtains. *

8. When bringing in the Jerry Springer or COPS film crews, please provide the management prior written notice so that certain residents may be forewarned.

9. Empty beer bottles should not be discarded on the front lawn. However, they may remain there until you are sober enough to collect them with the understanding you will collect them within 7 days whether sober or not.

10. When bringing dates home to your trailer, please be advised that in the event the sidewalks need to be repaired or replaced due to the weight of your date, you will be responsible for all cost incurred.

11. All window cracks and repairs must be done within 7 days of last party using color coordinated duct tape whenever possible.

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12. If grass get too high around trailer wheels, a fine will be imposed on renter, not to exceed the rental of neighbors goat and kids.

13. Lawn mower, car and truck parts are not to be displayed, advertised or kept in the yard for more than 30 days unless they are in original condition, this includes but is not limited to rust, dents, flat tires, broken windows and headlights, dull blades etc.

14. For sale sign must include real name, address, phone number (if any), price in dollars and cents,large enough to be read from the street while driving by with beer in hand.

15. All children found in yard after dark will be referred to the local tavern for collection.

16. Volume of TV will be kept at a reasonable level except where your neighbor's television is broke and wants to listen to the NASCAR races.

17. Harley's are NOT to be kept in the living room.

18. Carports are for cars not your in-laws oversized truck camper.

19. Police are for law enforcement not delivery of your pizza, doughnuts or long lost relatives you saw on late night TV

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20. Your neighbors windows are NOT for target practice.

21. Your neighbors dogs are NOT for target practice.

22. If your dog barks too much, your neighbor has our permission to shut him/her up by any means at hand.

Note* (Exemptions to rules 6 & 7 may be provided to women between the ages of 18 and 35. Please submit a photograph to the manager for approval.)

Following these simple rules should make your stay in our trailer park more enjoyable for everyone.