More Short VERY Funny Jokes, Steves Wasted Web at BlogSpot

Have a rough day? Try this: Picture lying on a warm rock overhanging a clear stream. Birds sing sweetly. No one knows about your secret retreat. Sheltered from the hectic pace of the everyday world, serenity flows. Your arms are elbow deep in the cool running water, which is so pure that you can clearly see the struggling Congressman you're holding underwater. See? Don't you feel better already?

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The Sunday School teacher said, "There were two brothers. One chose the wicked path. This brother was evil and corrupt and damaged many people. He ended up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable lawyer. Now, children: what is the difference between these two brothers?" Little Johnny raised his hand. "Easy. One of them got caught!"

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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a God!

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Got a Pen?

A brutally ugly woman approached me at the bar, squeezed my a$$ and said, "Give me your number, you sexy hunk." I said, "Have you got a pen?" She smiled and said, "Sure do!" I replied, "You'd better get back in it before your farmer notices you're missing!"

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A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" "Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it." :)

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An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"