I, Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labor.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge head first into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* I often work consecutive shifts - including overtime - due to my coworker's needs.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, The Penis
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 straight hours.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative.
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety requirements, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were NOT ALL, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Cordially, The Management.